i did it.. unconsciously..

One night when my friend and I are talking, he gave a comment about my past blog particularly on this line One can hold, get hurt, and still hold and hope and his comment was “That’s why humans are so fragile. They tend to look for things that they know will only lead to their own sufferings”

Right then it made me think that I belong to that group of people, unconsciously looking for things that would eventually hurt me.

I’ve been taking along safe road on my life in the past three years and frankly after that I felt empty for it was plain safe. Then I realized that it is not how safe my steps were or how much thinking I’ve been doing in those three years but it is the things that I acceded to pass by. Those were the things that gave me regrets and more thinking, the things that might have been good and strong to this point. But then again they were the things that are now gone. Vanished.

Those made me do something that fell on the said words of my friend. I tend to look for something that would make the difference, however; insentience I was looking for something that will bring burden unto me. In fact, I found something recently that did hurt me (it was the root of my 2 previous blogs). I did know that it would hurt me but still I chose the perilous, intricate and vague road.

People might think that how imprudent am I to do such but little did they know that that thing made a big impact onto me. Yes, I was hurt but I did enjoy the experience beforehand. No. I love the experience. Cherish and keep it with me. Why? Cause I don’t have “what ifs” in my mind. I did what I wanted. Although that doesn’t mean that what I wanted is the right one but I least I had experienced it and learned from it. And most importantly I was the one who chose. It was MY decision. No one should be blamed for it. 

However, I cannot speak for everyone and I do so believe that one has its own perspective to the words of my friend. I know some still can’t comprehend with me. Maybe they haven’t experienced it yet… maybe they have their own standpoint… or maybe they are just in refutation that what they had had is something that they have regret and/or something that gave them the “what ifs”.